DAY 10
In this post I would like to see ,reflect ..on my childhood …my life ….I hope thats is not going sound so boring …..
Like we all know, we are program our selfs thru all life…
and I can see how , I create me…,how many points of my personality i expand and some lost….I create big polarity in my living.
When I was a child ..I was sick a lot ….,so I was alone many times …and also I observe the world around me from the perspective of slowing down…I mean I had to ,because my body stop me.Also I spend lot of time with my grandma and grandpa ….,and we live in suburbs ..suburbs -village were we have a small farm….like very small with one horse and one cow !!…..So if I want to experience city life style ..I just take a bus and there I am 20 minutes in downtown …..,but if I like quiet time I was in farm.
this sounds nice …,but I create this big gap between those two worlds.
When I was with my grandma I admire the simplicity of her life ( ….she was not perfect….)I mean mostly was work ,physical work..the things is that she never complain …..,I mean she could ,that life is hard ,..everything you have to do, you do it with your hands ….no quick fix for anything …..,but amazing for me was her content with life she had……I mean people weren't perfect …,but I must say there was this humility in people connection ,….
But then I had to go to school in the city …..and was a huge differences in comparing what I used to live ..and experience my life.I compare everything what I saw in the city lees value and bad ,and because of this I never fully participate with what is going on there…..so I learn live between…little her …little there….and again never took ,like self responsibility ,because I put myself sort of in the middle….
With this I would like to take points of self forgiveness,so there I go:
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to perceive my life on farm idealistic ,and judge life in city bad ,full of bad people ,only because did not have the guts ,
to really investigate the point of living in the city.
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself have spiteful thoughts about people in the city.
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to create in my mind, this point of lala lend -life on the farm and comparing with bad city life ,never really see every point, of reality on the farm, from real physical perspective .
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to live between those two worlds,sort of in the middle,and never be here with breath ,never active participate in reality of life on farm or city,but creating life in my mind …..mind life illusion.
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself not standing up ,for what I believe ,but always living in half way ,experiencing life in half way here, or half way there.
6I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself thru years never stop this polarity ..,but always experience this uneasiness with life I am in now,totally believing my mind .
7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to thing about me that i am better or more sensitive that people ,who live in the city .
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to live in my mind game in comparison of living in farm or in city.
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself create big huge gap between those two different life style ,never realize that its does not matter, which life I live ,but the main things is that I live with breath ,participate fully with life I live in physicality.
10. I commit myself to stand up with my life now ,walk the process ,stop the comparison in my mind,be here with breath.
11.I commit myself to stop, bringing this childhood memory always in the point of judging, the situation I am here now ,to stop and be here now with breath .
12.I commit myself to leave my past behind ,especially childhood memory ,to recognize that this is my past ,this was my childhood ,but now is now ,and start living and moving myself with breath here.
this sounds nice …,but I create this big gap between those two worlds.
When I was with my grandma I admire the simplicity of her life ( ….she was not perfect….)I mean mostly was work ,physical work..the things is that she never complain …..,I mean she could ,that life is hard ,..everything you have to do, you do it with your hands ….no quick fix for anything …..,but amazing for me was her content with life she had……I mean people weren't perfect …,but I must say there was this humility in people connection ,….
But then I had to go to school in the city …..and was a huge differences in comparing what I used to live ..and experience my life.I compare everything what I saw in the city lees value and bad ,and because of this I never fully participate with what is going on there…..so I learn live between…little her …little there….and again never took ,like self responsibility ,because I put myself sort of in the middle….
With this I would like to take points of self forgiveness,so there I go:
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to perceive my life on farm idealistic ,and judge life in city bad ,full of bad people ,only because did not have the guts ,
to really investigate the point of living in the city.
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself have spiteful thoughts about people in the city.
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to create in my mind, this point of lala lend -life on the farm and comparing with bad city life ,never really see every point, of reality on the farm, from real physical perspective .
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to live between those two worlds,sort of in the middle,and never be here with breath ,never active participate in reality of life on farm or city,but creating life in my mind …..mind life illusion.
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself not standing up ,for what I believe ,but always living in half way ,experiencing life in half way here, or half way there.
6I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself thru years never stop this polarity ..,but always experience this uneasiness with life I am in now,totally believing my mind .
7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to thing about me that i am better or more sensitive that people ,who live in the city .
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to live in my mind game in comparison of living in farm or in city.
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself create big huge gap between those two different life style ,never realize that its does not matter, which life I live ,but the main things is that I live with breath ,participate fully with life I live in physicality.
10. I commit myself to stand up with my life now ,walk the process ,stop the comparison in my mind,be here with breath.
11.I commit myself to stop, bringing this childhood memory always in the point of judging, the situation I am here now ,to stop and be here now with breath .
12.I commit myself to leave my past behind ,especially childhood memory ,to recognize that this is my past ,this was my childhood ,but now is now ,and start living and moving myself with breath here.
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